How To Talk to an Introvert in 15 Perfect Steps (for Extroverts)
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Are you wondering how to talk to an introvert crush or friend? We’ve got the perfect steps for you.
Talking to introverts isn’t rocket science, as most people might assume. It takes a great deal of patience and understanding from the other party.
If you’re wondering how to talk to an introvert, then we’re here to help. This article contains fifteen easy steps that you can imbibe in your daily interactions with quiet people, and you’ll see your relationship turn around for the better.
15 Steps on How to Talk to An Introvert
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
1. Allow them to get accustomed to you.
No matter how eager you are to talk to an introvert, you can’t get past this step. Introverts are natural observers and take their time before venturing into any activity. How to encourage an introvert to talk to you is to make them comfortable around you. The best way to do this is by giving them time to know you.
If you want to talk to an introvert through social networking apps, the last thing you’d want to do is flooding them with messages. Take things slow and allow the introvert to know how to relate with you appropriately. This step is essentially how to talk to an introvert girl over text.
2. Make the environment comfortable.
There’s a science behind why introverts are quiet. They need less clamorous environments to tone down the level of stimulation happening in their minds. Therefore, if you try to communicate with an introvert in a noisy arena or at a sports game, they probably wouldn’t give you their best.
Talking to introverts demands paying maximum attention to the environment you’re in. Ensure it's quiet and calm, and that they are thoroughly comfortable.
P.S. Just because a place is quiet doesn’t mean a reserved person would be comfortable there. For example, a dark alley probably isn’t a location to chat. You might need to ask the introvert specifically if you can’t think of anywhere e.g. “Where’s your favorite location?”
3. Watch out for their energy surges.
Every individual has times when they’re enthusiastic about certain events, and other times when they’d rather be doing something else. This process is the same for introverts. If you’re wondering how to get an introvert to open up emotionally, you need to prioritize when they have energy influxes.
When an introvert has fully recharged, they’ll essentially have more dopamine release for chit-chats. However, when they’re drained, for example, after classes, they’ll probably just want to head home straightaway. Paying attention to when their energy levels are high is how to help an introvert open up.
Related: Am I Too Quiet? P.S. No, You’re Not. A How-To Guide to Using Your Introversion to Your Advantage
4. Think about insightful topics beforehand.
If you’re an extrovert girl wondering how to talk to an introvert guy, you need to bring up an introspective subject. Quiet people don’t loathe talking to others but simply dislike superficial conversations. If you start a discussion with small talk, they’re likely to get disinterested quickly.
On the contrary, talking about something they’re particularly interested in would certainly get their attention. You can start the conversation with, “What’s your favorite book?” or “Do you watch movies? If yes, what’s your favorite so far?” These questions will stir up interesting discussions, and therefore, should be how to talk to an introvert.
5. Learn to be comfortable with silence.
After making several attempts to get a quiet person to open up, don’t expect them to simply abide by your wishes. Even after asking insightful questions, an introvert might still give one-word responses. In such a scenario, it might not be you. It might still be them trying to get accustomed to the relationship.
Embracing their silence is a test every extrovert needs to pass. Don’t make a fuss about them being quiet, or try to force them to open up. Instead, give them space and re-strategize on how to get a quiet guy to open up.
6. Get better at listening.
If you’re an extrovert wondering how to start talking to someone again, particularly an introvert, then this step is crucial. As you will experience, introverts take their time to warm up to people. Therefore, when they eventually start speaking to you, you should cherish their words, because they hardly talk.
As an outgoing person, don't converse with them as you do with your other friends. Essentially, don’t cut them off while they're trying to communicate with you. This step is how to get introverts to open up to you even more. Therefore, ensure you improve your listening skills as much as possible.
8. Acknowledge their quiet temperaments, but not awkwardly.
One of the mistakes sociable people tend to make around the quiet types, is that they don’t count their words. They can easily make jokes about anything, even about an introvert’s disposition. When you’re getting accustomed to an introvert’s personality, learn to always make them comfortable with your words and actions.
Related: The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Introverts (36 Things to Know)
Saying things like, “I know you don’t like talking,” will not make an introvert a chatterbox. So, try not to say it. More so, instead of awkwardly mentioning, “How can I talk to you?” when you want to hang out with them again, make the process more natural by engaging in their hobbies. Acknowledge who they are, but don’t make them feel awkward about it.
9. Text them instead of calling.
Just in case you didn’t know, the majority of introverts dislike phone calls, especially when they’re still getting to know a person. If calling is your preferred method of communication, you would have to compromise to build the friendship you have with an introvert first.
Most introverts don’t like being put on the spot. So, learning how to talk to an introvert boy over text would save you from having several unanswered phone calls. Texting gives them time to think of an appropriate response and focus on building the association, unlike phone calls. This step is how to talk to introvert people and make them truly comfortable around you.
10. Focus on one-on-one conversations.
Always remember that you’re trying to build an association between yourself and an introvert, and not with everyone else at the same time. If you’re wondering how to talk to introverts the right way, try not to involve a larger crowd. If you’re trying to know them personally, or simply get private information from them, don’t put them on the spot in a large group.
Introverts don’t like being the subject of attention, especially for superficial reasons. So, you need to pay attention to their feelings and avoid crowded conversations. Talk to them when the environment is less clamorous and they’ll give their undivided attention.
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10. Provide value to them.
If you’re wondering, “Why doesn’t an introvert talk to me first?” it might be because you have nothing special to offer them. Ask yourself this question: Is the association one-sided where I’m doing all the asking to gather information about them, without necessarily using it to build the association? If so, then you need to imbibe the following steps.
For example, if you know an introvert likes watching movies, you can recommend some new ones to them. This action makes you even more valuable to them and removes the barrier of an introvert wondering how to talk to you. It also makes the association more organic and blissful.
11. Be empathetic.
Talking to introverts demands being a little more sensitive than you normally would. When engaging in the things you naturally like, try to be cautious about the introvert’s feelings too. For example, if you’re having a conversation with a reserved person and one of your friends breaks in, treat the situation differently.
Instead of leaving them idle for several minutes while attending to your friend in front of them, you can excuse yourself, finish talking to your friend, and then return.
Being empathetic also means reserving your critiques about their quiet temperaments. Try not to ask, “Are you always this quiet?” but find out how to get an introvert to open up. Actions like these matter the most to quiet people.
Related: 4 Things Introverts find Absolutely Annoying (but don't actually say)
12. Slow down conversations.
You need to understand that it’s not about how fast you can complete a discussion but how effectively. When an introvert pauses mid-sentence, don’t try to quickly take over from them. More so, if you’re talking and they’re not responding, you might need to slow down your tempo. Ask them something to trigger their attention before continuing.
If your complaint is, “They don’t know how to talk to me,” try leaving loose ends after each conversation. For example, tell me, “I’ll text you so that I can help you with this or that, or to continue the discussion.” This will motivate a quiet person to contact you more.
13. Make them feel heard.
Every introvert considers their words to be precious. If they try to talk to you and you don’t make them feel heard, they’ll unconsciously withdraw into their shells. The best way to show that you value their words is to provide feedback.
For example, if they finish a statement, don’t immediately start a randomly new topic. Tell them what you think and build a conversation from there. This process will naturally eliminate the dilemma of wondering how to ask someone to talk to you. If they feel heard, they’ll always want to talk.
14. Talk to them amid activities.
Sometimes, it can be hard for an introvert to practice open talking while sitting face to face with someone. You can make them feel more at ease to express themselves by bringing up conversations during activities. If the place isn’t too noisy, it'll set the tone for an insightful discussion.
This scenario might also be perfect for asking them out on a date or to other occasions. It’s not as serious as a face-to-face conversation, so you’re likely to get a positive response. Keep things light and fresh and they’ll probably want to chat with you again.
15. Appreciate them.
Everyone loves to be accepted for who they are. If you’re constantly trying to change someone, they’ll probably hang out with you less. On the contrary, giving an introvert genuine compliments about their personality and lifestyle choices will endear them to you. This step summarizes how to get to know an introvert.
Learn how to show your appreciation with actions too. Introverts are wary of smooth-talkers and might likely pay attention to people’s efforts. If they gave you good advice, repay them the favor by offering them something they’d like in return. Things like these would really go a long way.
FAQs
How do you talk to an introvert?
Talking to an introvert isn’t as hard as most people think. You merely need the right motive and a great deal of patience to understand their temperaments. Allow them to get accustomed to you and provide value during conversations.
Why doesn’t he talk to me?
If a quiet person doesn’t talk to you, it’s probably because there’s nothing worthwhile about your association with them. Introverts are impact-driven and like to make profitable discussions. Choose topics that interest them, and try to provide value along the way.
How do I get you to talk to me?
There are many reasons why an introvert might stop talking to you. If you want them to talk to you again, find out what went wrong in the first place and retrace your steps. Intermittently, focus on building a connection with the reserved person in question.
CONCLUSION
Was this article insightful? Toning down your sociable skills while interacting with an introvert is crucial for all outgoing people. Share this article with any extrovert that needs to read it. If you liked this article, leave a comment below.
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